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bacteriaburger@gmail.com

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All stories on this site are fiction, and all characters in this fiction are 18 years of age or older. All characters are invented, any use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this site is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

The content of this website, including all stories, is copyright © 2006-2008 by Bacteriaburger, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher.

News

05/08/08

So you guys know I have a blog, right? If you're interested in reading a bunch of crap that I wrote, and not just in beating off in between trips to the kitchen (I speak from experience), you might want to check it out. New story is Cream-Filled. I got the idea for this from a message board I used to frequent, where the topic of the hour was high school rumors. I changed it to college because magazines are skittish about sexually-mature minors having sex. Go figure.

03/11/08

So I've recently had stuff published in [2] Magazine and in Freshmen Magazine. I'm working on a novel, for real this time, but I really don't want to jinx it. If you're out there and you're reading (and/or beating), I'd love to hear from you: bacteriaburger@gmail.com This story is from the January 08 issue of Handjobs Magazine - not my best HJ story, but I had a lot of fun writing it, and I got the first-paragraph description of a fall evening just right, I think: Home Alone

01/22/08

New story: Roommate Service, originally published in the January 08 issue of Torso magazine.

11/28/07

Here's a new story: Guys Night In,originally published in the October 07 issue of Freshmen magazine. It's a good one.

10/13/07

Well hello there! Yeah, it's been awhile. Yeah, I told you I'd update this site once a month...but shit happens, y'know? I'm still producing as much if not more porn than I ever have, but it's all getting published, which means I have to wait for it to come out in print before I can put it up on the internets. For the past couple of months I've covered up by posting quickie stories that I don't care much about; but I can only do that so much. So even though I'm still going to work toward the "story a month" goal, chances are we're going bi-monthly. NEVER less than that; pornographer's promise! Here's a question: are all my stories exactly the same? I got the galleys for Best Gay Romance (which was terrifically exciting, to see myself in that context, next to all those well-respected authors of erotica), and I realized that my contribution of two stories joined together was remarkably 'same-y.' It's not exactly giving me a complex, but whatever. I'm working on other things at the moment, not porn related. I'm challenging myself and that feels great, even if I'm working blindly and half-hopelessly at times. I'll surely let yinz know if anything comes of it. I recently shit out a "photo-story" for [2] Magazine - I actually had a pretty good time writing it, even if I'm not tremendously proud of the writing in and of itself. Not sure when it'll be published. Very cool to have a porn story commissioned/assigned. The money's not bad, either. Also I have a story in the October issue of Freshmen magazine - and it's a pretty good one, about a frat president who gets more than he bargained for at the alumni meeting. It's called "Guys Night In." The Joe Gage movie that I scripted is delayed because his crew missed some important footage that was dependent upon the season and can't be filmed until next spring. I hope it all goes according to plan. Joe's done a lot for me in the past few months and I'm eternally grateful, he's even become something of a friend, certainly a kindred spirit (even if it still kills me a little to hear that dialogue in Lifeguard). I'm working on another script, and whether he decides to work with it or not, I'm having a blast. So that's what's going on. That's what's what (in the butt). The story for this month is All-U-Can-Eat, originally published in Men magazine. It's preposterous, it's hot, etc etc. Read it. Oh, and if for some reason you feel like buying me shit from Amazon, have at it. Hey, other authors do this too - I swear!

8/21/07

What can I say about this month's story, Drunken All-Night Fuckfest? A few things: 1) I wrote my way out of a month-long rut (as far as porn writing is concerned) with this standard, uninspired "straight-guy" vingette. 2) I wrote it purely for the purpose of getting myself off, and at some point decided it would work just fine on this website and on Nifty. 3) I know it's not the greatest thing I've ever written, but it did give me a boner, and maybe it'll do the same for you.

7/14/07

Good stuff: Best Gay Romance 2008, edited by Richard Labonte, will be published in November by Cleis Press. It includes my story titled "Not So Straight (Duet)," which is two of my previously published stories in one. (Don't worry - as grateful as I am to get my first anthology credit, I wouldn't purchase a book of gay romance stories, either. Maybe it'll be great. We shall see.) I also got a story into Ultimate Gay Erotica 2008, edited by Jesse Grant. That story is called "Act Now," it's new, and the anthology will be published in December by Alyson Books. Finished my set of scenes for Joe Gage's "vineyard project." I think I got some pretty hot dialogue in there, some of it new, some of it recycled from my stories. Presuming everything goes according to plan, it should be interesting to see more of my stuff realized onscreen. I have nothing new for this month - everything I've been working on has been either accepted for publication or is awaiting judgement from an editor. So here's an oldie but goldie: How I Became A Sex Therapist, originally published on Clean Sheets.

6/06/07

It's been a while! I guess I've been pretty busy, polishing up stuff that I'll hopefully be posting on this website in the future, after it has (or hasn't) been published in various anthologies. I have a story - "All-U-Can-Eat" - in the current (July 2007) issue of Men magazine. The story for this month is Just Doing My Job, Boss, and I think it's pretty good - but I'm biased.

4/26/07

Hello! I've been working on a school project for the last few weeks (a chapbook of autobiographical writing that may or may not be posted on this website in the coming weeks), and it's time to dive into porn again. That means rewriting a story I'd like to submit for a food-and-sex anthology, trying my hand at writing some scenes for Joe Gage, and then revising a couple pieces I wrote last month. Truth be told, I usually post to this website when I'm in a writing rut. I think I'm a little overwhelmed with what I "need" to do, and I'm losing sight with what makes writing fun. But don't worry. I go through these little spells all the time. Patience is the word. Story for this month: Crazy from the Heat. Hope you like it.

3/19/07

Big News: To make a long story short, you can see one of my first published erotic stories realized onscreen, and directed by legendary gay porn director Joe Gage, no less. It's the first scene in the 2006 Titan Media release Lifeguard! The Men of Deep Water Beach, and it stars Cliff Rhodes and Colby Keller. Read more about this on my blog. I'm posting my April story early, and it's a really good one. It's the most recent story of mine published in Handjobs, and it's definitely the best incest story I've ever done: Practice Makes Perfect. Rereading this, it's clear to me that I often plagiarize myself - some of the dialogue here is clearly recycled from Breathe In, Breathe Out. So it goes.

3/1/07

I've been sick for the past week. When I'm sick, I start to get depressed - because I'm not doing anything, I'm laying around the house like a useless blob, sucking my thumb and watching "Dazed and Confused" for the hundredth time. Well, last night I started to feel better. I wondered in my journal what some things would be that would make me happy, and I decided that, as soon as possible, I needed to write a quick and stupid erotic story and upload it onto my website and on to Nifty. Hence, Dumb Jock. Hope you like it.

2/11/07

The story for this month is Unloading Dock, which was originally published on TommyHawk's site. Good things have been happening. I finally had a story accepted to Men/Freshmen magazine (I'm not sure which one at this point, though I'm guessing it'll be Men). This is a big deal to me, they're the "classy" gay mag, and probably the most popular...and they do have hot models, but I got a subscription to it last year and found it mostly insufferable. Which isn't saying much, because I don't think there's a gay mag out there - porno or not - that isn't mostly vapid. Well, Butt magazine is pretty good. And Handjobs is great, of course, no pretensions there. I guess I'm talking mainstream magazines. ANYWAY, it's pretty awesome to get a story in there, finally. Also, through some weird circumstances, I was contacted by an editor who found my site and may use a few of my stories in an upcoming anthology. It looks like this is really happening, but I haven't got confirmation of it yet so I'm being light on details. However, if it happens it will be a big deal to me. Another goal achieved and all that.

1/11/07

It's 2007. I wrote this story, The Morning After, two days ago, in a sudden fit of inspiration. Go to the theater and see "Children of Men" if you want to get your mind blown.

12/10/06

Bradley Gets Fucked is the story for this month. I think it's one of the best things I've written this year, but I couldn't get it published anywhere. It's inspired by these gentlemen. I have a new story on Tommyhawk's site, called "The Unloading Dock." Just had another story accepted to Mandate, and another one accepted to Handjobs magazine. The one for Handjobs is fucking great, I can't wait to share it with you guys. On my blog, I recently posted my five favorite gay porno scenes, and I'm asking anyone who reads this to please send me your suggestions of great porno scenes. Good porn is hard to find, because there's so much crap out there. I've also been posting about my recent internet adventures, including the porno story site StickyPen, which, if you're a regular Nifty reader, you should definitely check out.

11/13/06

Sorry for the late post this month. I was planning on uploading a different story, but it's taking me a long time to finish. Instead, here's my first "big sale" story, After Hours. It's an okay story, but as I was rereading it this time I realized what a debt it owes to Sebastian Wallace's stuff. Seb, if you're reading this, sorry about the obvious rip-offs (and hopefully I've removed the more embarrassing examples of the "Irish brogue" I attempted to give Marty in the first draft). I'm contributing to my blog on a somewhat-regular basis, and so far I'm enjoying it. It's a weird blog, that's for sure, shaping up to be a mix of porn shop talk, movie reviews, self-indulgent introspection and the occasional pseudo-analysis of current events.

10/09/06

For what it's worth, I have a blog now. Chalk another line in the "probably pretentious" category, but I have had fun writing it so far. Check it out: FUN in the End Times

10/01/06

Autumn. Here is a story that was published in Handjobs Magazine this past August, called Riding Bob. The first sentence of it is true. I wanted to capture that feeling I would get at the end of a shift at Burger King, when I'd take out the trash and watch cars go by on the highway.

09/23/06

I have a story in Handjobs this month. Here is a synopsis.

09/06/06

This month's story, Perfect Fit, is another "encounter" story, but I really had a fun time writing it and I think it's pretty good. I was bummed that I couldn't get this one published anywhere - I originally wrote it to submit to an underwear fetish anthology. Can't win em all, I guess.

08/15/06

I was blocked for a while, and I'm not anymore. So to share the wealth, here's a new story called The Usual Fantasy. It's kind of sub-par, but I still had a good time writing it.

08/03/06

I'm posting this story, What Happens In Vegas..., sort of in protest. I wrote this story forever ago, and when I finally got the balls to submit my stuff to actual publications, this was the first one that was accepted, to FirstHand Publications. I framed the acceptance letter, hung it over my desk, and waited for my check. That was in April of 2005. I sent them two emails during that time, basically saying "what the fuck's up with my story?" and forwarding them my new address because, you know, a lot of stuff changed in the fifteen months my story waited in purgatory. I never heard back from them. I started to assume that they had shut down, or at least weren't going to publish it. So I heavily revised the story, made it much much better, and sent it out to Mandate. They accepted it immediately, and even gave me a publication date. But I got nervous, so I sent ONE MORE email to FirstHand, telling them that I didn't want them to publish my story anymore. This time, of course, I get a response. Oh, we're sorry, the story's already been sent to the printer. Nothing we can do about it now. I debated for a while whether to just let both magazines publish the story (lord knows I could use the money), then decided to go the honest route and tell Mandate not to publish it. The editor seemed a little peed off, but understanding enough. However - talk about twisting the knife after it's gone in - not only am I getting less money for the story from FirstHand (not to mention having a vastly inferior draft published), but the editor of Mandate was planning on using it for a "Best of" anthology he's working on with an outside publisher. Which would have meant $50 more for me, and my first-ever anthology credit. Fucking hell. So this is my little "fuck you" to FirstHand publications. I've learned my lesson. I'll never double submit, and I'll NEVER submit to FirstHand again. And the punchline? The earlier version of this story has been on the Nifty Archive since April of 2004! Whoops ... guess I got a little too enthusiastic with my submissions, kinda hoping nobody would be the wiser. And I probably could've gotten away with too, if it wasn't for my pesky conscience.

07/29/06

No new stories to upload yet. I'm blocked and blaaahhh. I have a lot of stuff sent out and pending. My story Riding Bob is in the current (8/06) issue of Handjobs Magazine. I finally got a response from "Men" & "Freshman" magazine - they "really liked" my submission, but unfortunately they're booked up on stories for a while blah blah vague pronouncements that my story may or may not get published when they get around to it blah blah. Still, now I've got an "in." It's only a matter of time before they publish my stuff. Reading: Lars Eighner, American Prelude; Stephen King, The Stand; Anais Nin, Incest (Unexpurgated Diaries).

07/02/06

Happy fuckin summer! It's hot as balls and people have been setting off fireworks outside all day. Here is a story called My Sister's Boyfriend Joey, originally published on the website Tommyhawk's Fantasy World. It's a good one. For added fun, here is a link to the image that inspired this story, an amateur model from the great site BukBuddies. Check out his name...what a coincidence (again, character names = not my strong suit). Life is good, even if I'm not getting published as much as I'd like (boo-hoo). Summer soundtrack so far: Slowdive, Brightblack Morning Light, Flaming Lips, Supergrass, Boards of Canada, & Junior Senior's "Move Your Feet."

06/28/06

The August 2006 issue of Mandate magazine is currently on the shelves, and it features my story After Hours. I even got a mention on the front cover! Pretty cool... I added a new nonfiction piece, The Gas Station Project, a continuation, style-wise, of my Empty House Idea. Check it out.

06/04/06

Added a new story, Uncle Barry - originally published in Handjobs Magazine. It's a good story, I hope you enjoy it. Had a story accepted to TommyHawk's site, and another accepted to Handjobs. I'm kind of focusing on other writing pursuits lately, but I still manage to crank out porno stories on a regular basis. Let me know if you think the quality is lacking. I'm open to criticism.

05/15/06

So I've come to realize that I absolutely hate this piece, which is sort of a shame, because it's one of the most-accessed stories on my site (something tells me that has a lot more to do with the title than it does with the content). In lieu of removing it completely, I've decided to add annotations.

05/10/06

Added a new story, Hippie Crack. Getting nothing but rejections lately, it's kind of disheartening. Feel like I'm getting to the point where I can write this stuff in my sleep, but my b/f said he really liked this latest story, so maybe this is good news? My story After Hours should be in the June issue of Mandate, BTW.

04/30/06

Sebastian Wallace linked me from his awesome, newly-designed site, and also wrote some very nice comments about it. His site is definitely worth checking out, it looks great, and there's some truly wonderful stories there. Here are some of my favorites. A blog called Dwight Supremacy also linked me and wrote me a really nice email. Thanks, guys! My site is getting a wider audience amongst people I know (my mom said she really enjoyed Super!). With that in mind, I have changed some of the names in some of them. Hopefully it shouldn't weaken the effect of any of the stories, but I'm getting worried about some of this stuff coming back to haunt me. The truth is, I'm just really bad at coming up with character names.

04/18/06

The story I'm uploading for this month, Paul's Den, was published previously in the March 2006 issue of Handjobs Magazine. I apologize to those who have that issue and have already read the story; but on the other hand, you're getting it for free, so why the fuck should you care? Why the fuck should I care? It's something I've been thinking about ever since I started writing erotic fiction. I always had the desire to publish and get paid for my work, because I want more people to read it. I want to make money off of it if I can! And writing for a larger audience spurs me to do better. Why wouldn't I want the largest audience possible for my work? But I grew up reading the Nifty Erotic Stories Archive, and in many ways it was what spurred me to start writing erotic stories in the first place. There's something very cool about writing just to turn yourself on. You're not doing it for money or fame (ha ha), you're doing it because you want to, and it comes across as very genuine and real, which are some of life's more rare commodities. Sometimes I am conflicted, because more and more lately I feel like I'm giving some of my stuff away. At this point in my life I think I'm prolific enough that it doesn't present a problem, but the "story-a-month" thing might get difficult when the idea well is dry, and I have a choice between submitting to a magazine or throwing it on Nifty. Nevertheless, I think I will always submit stories to the Nifty Archive, and always update this website, so long as people are reading erotic fiction and I'm still writing it. It's important to me.

03/23/06

Holy Christ. Has it really been a month since I've updated this site last? Time flies. Well, here's a pretty good story called Lazy Bastard. The forecoming spring is getting me in a state; this is my prime writing season, and I'm already feeling it. I'm bursting with ideas, and writing stories almost every day. Do people come here regularly to jerk off? I get an average of 600 requests on this site a day, but I really don't know how many individual users come on here. Based on hits alone, the most popular stories are Little Stud Nurse, and next come two of my nonfiction pieces. Why?

02/24/06

Nothing but good news: -- My story After Hours was accepted to Mandate, and for it I'll get (drum roll) $150!!! This is like hitting the big time to me, I've been submitting to them for a while. And it's the most $ I've gotten for a story so far. -- Paul's Den is in the new issue of Handjobs. -- Sebastian Wallace's page is back up, with a new conceit and a couple of new stories. I read one which was hot (but frustrating), I haven't read the other. So to celebrate all this I'm throwing up a rough draft of a story that I never really got around to revising. I might leave it here, I might send it out, I'm not sure. Here it is.

02/06/06

HAPPY SUPER BOWL! GO STILLERS! I had an immensely fun time writing this story tonight, and I hope you enjoy it.

01/15/06

New story up: New Landlord. This was rejected by 'Mandate' for whatever reason, but I think it's a pretty good story. It's a new year, and my subscription to 'Men' magazine just expired, thank God. What a piece of shit magazine; lousy art, lousy photos, horrendous articles, and ho-hum erotic fiction. (The truth is I'm bitter that they haven't published me yet). I just had another story accepted to Handjobs, entitled Paul's Den. It's a very autobiographically-based fantasy, and I've written a million versions of the damn thing before finally settling for what I had and sending it out. This means I get $50 worth of merchandise from Handjobs. Hooray!

01/10/06

How I Became a Sex Therapist is up at Clean Sheets, and access is free, so check it out. I will hopefully add a new story here, on this site, by the weekend.

12/16/05

Hello friends. I added a new story, Hitting Tony's Pipe. It's an older one, and I don't think it's too spectacular, but it might do the job for you. Who knows. I often wonder if my stories only appeal to a small segment of the gay community--people like me who can't help but fetishize straight guys (is that a small segment?). All I can really do is write stories that I would like to read, and hope other people like them, too. I've been getting a lot more hits on my page since TommyHawk's Fantasy World linked me, which is nice. If anyone out there actually bought the issue of Handjobs with my story in it and has anything to say, I'd love to hear it. I'll try to throw at least one story up here a month. That seems fair. I'm busy right now working on two different projects - my erotic novel, and also a meticulous and insane memoir of every single sexual encounter and fantasy I've ever had. I've been working on it every day for two weeks and there's no end in sight.

11/28/05

Well, I got the issue of Handjobs with my story in it, and my fears were unfounded. Nothing in the story has been changed, as far as I can tell. And I really do think it's a pretty good story, so please check it out if you can. Also, My Sister's Boyfriend Joey will be posted on TommyHawk's Fantasy World by next week (I think). This, too, is one of the better stories I've written recently. I wouldn't expect you to sign up for a subscription site just to read little old me, but if you already subscribe, definitely look for it. My writing has stagnated lately. I experienced the same exact thing last year, in the beginning of winter when I was in the middle of 428 College St. I hate not writing, but I just can't bring myself to it. I hate this feeling. I'll come back to it eventually I know, but I'm going to have to force myself, and it's going to be painful (what Stephen King calls "shoveling shit from the sitting position").

11/23/05

Happy Thanksgiving. Uncle Barry will be included in the next issue of Handjobs. You can see a little synposis of it here. I'm really psyched because I love Handjobs, and I think it's one of the better stories I've written recently, so I urge anyone to check it out. On the other hand (based on the synopsis), it looks like they've changed some details in the story, which kind of disturbs me. I'm not crazy about the illustration, which is fine but doesn't seem to relate to the story at all (at no point in Uncle Barry does a chair appear, and what's with those weird balls? It looks painful). I'll just have to wait and see what they've done to it. But really, I could care less. I get a full free year of Handjobs! I'm feeling a lot better since my last post, and I'm eager to get back to work on Deep Hollow (which is what I'm calling the new novel). Thanks, Mike.

11/12/05

Is anybody actually reading this? If so, write me a fucking email (arnoldlayne69@yahoo.com). I'm about 1/3 through my new porno novel and I am just not feeling it at the moment. I'm becoming increasingly dissatisfied with my writing. Part of me wants to be this unapologetic pornographer, to get at good as I can in the genre and--who knows--maybe even subvert it somehow. The other part of me is damn sick of writing sex scenes, and knows that I can and have written much better things that have meant a great deal more to me, and have been a lot more fun to write. Something has got to give. Anyway, I've added an older piece, Beach Fantasy #2, which is a little more in line with what I wish I was doing. But I'm going to slog through this novel until it is finished, because I will hate myself if I don't. On the plus side, the new novel has got some really hot sex scenes, maybe some of the best I've written so far. Go figure.

11/03/05

I added a small piece to the nonfiction section. The Importance of Anal Sex is up at Velvet Mafia, check it out.

10/31/05

Happy Halloween. The Importance of Anal Sex was just accepted to the website Velvet Mafia. It should be posted tomorrow or the next day. Pretty cool to have a story accepted and not have to wait twenty years to see it in print.

10/28/05

Every day, several times a day, I check my email to see if any readers have written me. Today I woke up to read this response to my story More Cock, Please, from a reader named "frank": more cock??? dont you mean less? I'm surprised you manage to get up mornings.Maybe you dont, just return to you dirt filled coffin, you pathetic SOB. This affected me in a way that I can only conclude was positive, spurring me to write an explanation to the piece that I hope you'll find entertaining and maybe enlightening. I certainly enjoyed writing it.

10/19/05

Added a new story, Little Stud Nurse

10/10/05

I've added the complete and final version of my novella 428 College St, along with a couple of other tales in the erotic fiction section.

10/02/05

I've received word that my story Sex Therapy has been accepted to the Web site Clean Sheets. The site is free, which is pretty cool, and they say my story should be on there in a few months.

9/09/2005

I've just had a story accepted to TommyHawk's Fantasy World. It's titled My Sister's Boyfriend Joey, and it should be posted sometime in December 2005.

Also, my story Uncle Barry will be published in the December 2005 issue of Handjobs Magazine, thereby fulfilling a long-standing post-adolescent dream of mine.